If you discovered an affair, you can feel devastated. What once felt safe is untrustworthy is no more; the world seems unknown and each turn leaves you feeling more lost than the last--some days the world seems okay, others you don't know which way is up, feeling as though you are literally losing your mind. Because of the infidelity, you may even find yourself thinking you are to blame or that you have failed or are not good enough. It may not seem possible, but rebuilding trust and enriching your relationship is possible.
If you are having an affair and want to stop, know that you can. Affairs bring excitement, a sense of living, desirability, and affection you likely didn't know you were missing or wanted. It wasn't your partner's fault. And, you likely never thought it would get to where it is today. Not knowing how to talk to your partner, then or now, makes the process all the more difficult. There are times when you likely feel that the relationship is what you want and others when you just don't know. How could you with conflicting feelings. The momentary feeling of relief of the affair being revealed may be what little you have until your partner is secure in your trust. And, showing relief may actually cause your partner to become more upset, thinking you are finding relief at your partner's expense. The road ahead is challenging, but not insurmountable. Rebuilding trust and connection with your partner is possible.
To succeed, you both will likely need to learn how to air the issues that weigh you down in life, and to create safety so you may be vulnerable without judgment.
David Clark can be reached at 916.234.3346. He is a Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern, IMF#103359 employed at Couples Resource Collective, a 501(3)(c) non-profit and charitable corporation in California. David is supervised by Regina Isabel K'burg, LMFT #86991.